Thursday, 11 September 2014

Split Ends - Apple or Android

(Originally 'One Hair Raising Day', a story inspired by the Snake Gourd Flower)

After months of neglect, it finally happened. Rapunzel woke up to find herself completely and utterly trapped in her own split ends. It trapped her so well, she looked like some dragon beard candy made from blond floss. Struggling only made it worse: the bonds grew relentlessly tighter.

Rapunzel laid in bed to ponder her options. But the words of her kidnapper stepmom returned to chide her (in song no less): "Brush your hair, Rap, brush your hair!" But brushing her head of mile-long hair was no joke. Her arm would get so tired that she too would fall asleep. One time, she developed tendonitis in her wrist and had to wear a sling for two months. And brushing her hair with her good left hand did not last long. The brush fell through a tower window and could not be found. Afterwards, there was no luck finding another left-handed brush.

Across the room was her study table, one made from Princess Pink oak. On it, the latest iPhone 6. Rap wriggled hard and sighed with relief when she managed to stand herself up looking like some mummy from Egypt, or zombie from New Zealand. With determined effort, she hopped to her phone.

Hands bounded by her side, Rap banged her head on the device to get it started. It woke from its sleep (mode) with a cheery "What a nice day it is!" Sure, the sun was shining outside but inside, the mood was one of frustration and impotence - feelings most familiar to kidnapped folks.

"Siri, call for help."



Siri then made the call, pouting as she did (or as much of a pout as she could muster).

"Allo, this is Call Centre Apple India. How may I help you today?" said someone with an unmistakable Punjabi accent.


The iPhone 6 was shocked at being shouted at and shutdown for a while. Being new, the iOS was still in sub-abuse mode and yet to be real-world ready. But since it was under a two-year contract, it had to return to its task in life. However, its mood was sour.

"Yes, my darling (*sarcasm) princess, what IS it YOU want THIS TIME?" it said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Call Flynn."

No action.

"Call Flynn!"


Reluctantly, Siri proceeded to call Flynn. It went to voice mail.

"Hiya, this is Flynn. Flynn Rider, handsomest dude in the kingdom. I am unable to take your call at da moment, but if you leave me your name and vital statistics, I'll call right back!"

Darn idiot, Rap cursed. I knew it. He must be flirting with one of the chamber maids again. Dad warned me but did I listen? Noooo. Even my great white horse tried to tell me the same thing: It was always kicking Flynn.

Somewhat enraged, Rap then used her princess nose to nudge the phone off the table. It fell to the cobbled floor with a clatter. 

"Ouch!" said Siri, sounding hurt.

"Die, you stupid bitch," yelled Rap as much as she could under the circumstances. She then stomped on the machine until it flickered and passed out.

And as Rap was giving the machine a final stomp (just to make sure), she tripped and fell into the fireplace and onto the hearth.

In that instant, her hair flared up in great balls of flames, but they just as quickly (and fortunately) died out.

Free from her bondage, Rap checked to see what else of her was damaged. Hmm, nothing much except the hair on her head was now cropped short and her eyebrows singed. No worries, they will grow right back out! She would know!

And so, a short haired sans eyebrow Rapunzel picked up the broken pieces of her iPhone 6 and dropped them into a dustbin. She did a kind of robot dance to celebrate. She was always more an Android gal than an Apple. But would her stepmom listen?

(To be continued??? Haha...)

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