Singapore Pledges

Note: These Singapore Pledges were created tongue-in-cheek before the run up to National Day on the 9th of August 2012.

1. Singapore Pledge for Foodies 2012

2. Singapore Pledge for Civil Servants 2012

3. Singapore Pledge for Govt Scholars 2012

‎4. Singapore Pledge for Sports Fans 2012

5. ‎Singapore Pledge for Govt Ministers 2012

6. Singapore Pledge for the Social Gambler 2012

7. Singapore Pledge for the Child-less 2012 

8. Singapore Pledge for School Children 2012

9. Singapore Pledge for Taxi Drivers 2012

10. Singapore Pledge for Maid Employers 2012

11. Singapore Pledge for Sg Sports Council 2012

12. Singapore Pledge for MOM 2012

1) Singapore Pledge for Foodies 2012

We the citizens of Singapore (burp!)

Pledge ourselves as one always-hungry people

Regardless of got hum/no hum; got chilli/no chilli

To order up a delicious storm

Based on what the old hawker uncle/aunty can dish up

So as to achieve lau nuah happiness, tummy-rubbing satisfaction, and

High BMI-index for our nation. (burp!)

2) Singapore Pledge for Civil Servants 2012 

We the civil servants of Singapore

Pledge ourselves as one well-behaved people

Regardless if the girl was young or 18

Slim, got big boobs or not

Based on shape, size or lies

So as not to be conned into thinking

it's congress for the nation

3) Singapore Pledge for Govt Scholars 2012

We the scholars of Singapore

Pledge ourselves as one anti-lewd lot

To stop touching or groping

kids of various age and nudity

Based on need to satisfy

Some paedophilic urge or fantasy

that again embarrass the nation

‎4) Singapore Pledge for Sports Fans 2012

We the sports fans of Singapore

Pledge ourselves as one united people

Regardless of EPL club or telecom operator

To not continue be held ransom to ridiculous rates

Based on forever expanding TV rights monies

So as to enjoy a simple football match without

Starving half the people of the nation

5) ‎Singapore Pledge for Govt Ministers 2012

We the ministers of Singapore

Pledge not to throw foreign talent in yr face

Regardless of GDP growth, quarterly earnings or our bonus

To build a more inclusive society

Based on the over-40s, over-50s, and over-60s

So as to overcome myopia, disdain, distrust and

ignorance of the non-elites in our nation

6) Singapore Pledge for the Social Gambler 2012

We the social gamblers of Singapore

Pledge to continue our support for Singapore Pools

Regardless of fixed income, food-price rise or inflation 

To continue to play 4-D, Toto or visit the casino

Based on feeling, accident car plate numbers

So as not to deny the Community Chest charities

the monies and their duty to our nation

7) Singapore Pledge for the Child-less 2012 

We the child-less of Singapore

Pledge to pull down our pants a little more

Regardless of project deadlines or aged in the room

To build up lust and sordid passion

Based on mutual stimulation

So as to achieve titillation, orgasm and

more babies for our nation

8) Singapore Pledge for School Children 2012

We the school children of Singapore

Pledge ourselves a tuition-free existence

Regardless of grades, kiasu parents or other kaypohs

To build a stress-free, memorable childhood

Based on marbles, spider-catching and kite-flying

So as to achieve a less exam-smart mindset and

a better street-smart mentality for our nation

9) Singapore Pledge for Taxi Drivers 2012

We the taxi-drivers of Singapore

Pledge ourselves as one less confusing lot

Regardless of peak hours, ERP, public holidays

To charge just one freaking fare

Based on destination, not surcharge bingeing

So as to achieve a pleasant, math-less and

cuss-less ride for all in the nation

10) Singapore Pledge for Maid Employers 2012 

We the maid employers of Singapore

Pledge to treat them as we would our daughters

Regardless of laziness, cluelessness and personal hygiene

To not make them clean windows, climb high places

Based on some anal need for clean windows

So people will not think us heartless, cruel and  

basically kiasi of a nation

11) Singapore Pledge for Sg Sports Council

We the lau-jiao of the SSC

Pledge ourselves to not use any more FTs

Regardless if our kids are getting fat, out-of-shape and iPad-totting

To build a sporting nation of incomparable records

Based on hot-dog eating, fishball swallowing and mass displays

So as to achieve pride as citizens, born and bred and

raised on recycled toilet waters of the nation

12) Singapore Pledge for MOM 2012

We the people at MOM Singapore

Pledge ourselves to celebrate our moms

Regardless of grad, A-level or O

To build a more mamographic society

Based on Manpower AND Womanpower

So as to achieve equality, parity and

sorority for our sistas across the nation